Opera for the Average Idiot #1 - Das Rheingold

Once again you all are subjected to the ravings that result from my sleep-deprived mind.  For the uninitiated, I love opera.  I love it far more than any sane person should.  A series of health problems a couple of years ago led to me not being able to play for more than a year.  In order to keep my mental musical skills sharp, I started watching operas.  One a day, to be exact (occasionally extending the longer ones over multiple days if needed for sanity's sake).  By a happy accident I had discovered that my county library system owns a ridiculous collection of all of the Met HD broadcasts as well as countless other older productions.  I was on a mission and I'm rather proud of the fact that I started this project thinking that it would be difficult and quickly learned the error of my ways.  It's kind of killing me right now that it's still the off-season for the Met.  I always have the alarm set on my phone to alert me when they do their weekly live stream broadcasts so I don't miss one (Rigoletto was ridonkulous last season).

I digress.

I am fully aware that opera is not for everyone and it pains me greatly that so many people refuse to give it a shot.  You'd be surprised how similar most opera plots are to the movies that are the most popular nowadays.  Sorry, Peter Jackson, but Wagner did it first (just without hobbits).  So, in an effort to expose some of you to the more standard operatic repertoire, I've decided to summarize their plots in as concise of a manner as possible while keeping the emphasis on the most important/exciting/entertaining/amusing parts. Cliff notes has nothing on me.

Since I'm a bit of a masochist we're just going to start things out with Wagner's Ring Cycle.  Go big or go home, really.  In an effort to be kind, I will at least break it down into the 4 separate operas that comprise the whole shebang.  Without further ado, I give you "Das Rheingold," the very much abridged version.

Scene I
Scene begins under water, accompanied by the longest E-flat major chord ever written.  And it's to die for. We are introduced to 3 Rhine maidens and a dwarf named Alberich.  The Rhine maidens have been charged by the king of the gods (Wotan) to guard the Rhine gold (a lump of gold that came from the Rhine river).  The scene progresses as follows:

Rhine maidens to Alberich:  You're ugly and we're pretty and could use some help learning some manners. Btw, father told us not to tell you that you can take the gold only if you renounce love.  And you can use that gold to make a ring that will make you all-powerful (one ring to rule them all...familiar, no?).  Oh, and we're dumb. 

Alberich to Rhine maidens:  Jerkfaces!  I will totally renounce love and it just so happens that I work part-time as a jewelry maker.  Neener neener neener!

Alberich takes the gold and the Rhine maidens get all upset.  End of Scene I. 

Scene II (30 minutes later)
The sun rises on the newly constructed Valhalla.  The action quickly proceeds to Wotan being busted by his wife for trying to sell her sister to the Frost Giants in exchange for them building Valhalla.

Wotan: What a lovely morning! Look at my shiny new castle!  Oh, btw, I had to sell your sister for it, but no worries!  We've got these awesome new digs that I can fill up with dead heroes now!  You'll never miss her!

Fricka:  Nice try.  Your ass is grass.

Her brothers appear and king of the gods or not, Wotan knows that he's screwed.  He calls on Loge (Loki), the god of mischief and fire to help him blunder his way out of this one.  They bargain with the giants who agree to let Freia go in exchange for a pile of gold the same size as she is (they really wish right about now that they had gone for one of the Valkyries.  Much beefier in stature).  Loge and Wotan head underground to rob the dwarves. End of Scene II.

Scene III
While shit is going down in Scene II, Alberich has created the ring and also made his brother, Mime, make a helmet called the Tarnhelm (magic helmet = invisibility, etc) from the Rheingold.

Wotan and Loge arrive in the caves of the Niebelungs (dwarf-type folks).  While the Niebelungs start carrying gold up to the surface for the gods, they find out about the ring and the helmet.  Wotan refuses to leave without them since he's a greedy little bastard.  He and Loge are just as nasty as the Rhine maidens and trick Alberich into getting himself trapped.  They take the helmet but can't manage to get the ring from him.  Apparently being a god doesn't mean a whole lot in the power department....

Scene IV
Back in the land of sunshine and daisies...
Wotan finally yanks the ring off of Alberich's finger leading Alberich to curse the ring (duh duh duuuuuuhhhh!  The moment we've all been waiting for!).  The gold is piled up in front of Freia (the sister-in-law) and now the giants decide to get greedy.  The Tarnhelm is thrown on the pile and the giants demand the ring as well because somehow they can still see Freia through a massive pile of gold.  Fricka demands that Wotan give up the ring to save her sister:

Fricka: Give it up or you're never getting laid again.  Also, gold is soooo not your color.

Wotan's mommy (Erda) even gets in on the action and shames him into giving up the ring.

Erda:  You never did listen to me.  How many times have I told you to play fair with the other kids?!  

Wotan gives up the ring, the giants let Freia go, and the curse strikes for the first time.  The giant Fafnir kills his brother right away so he can posses the ring before he runs off with the ring, the gold, and the Tarnhelm to turn himself into a dragon and be all menacing and stuff (he'll be back, no worries).  The gods then cross their fancy-pants bridge made from a rainbow to move into their new digs at Valhalla while accompanied by the Valhalla motive which is freaking gorgeous.  Loge tells the audience that everyone is doomed (as if we didn't already figure this out), and we're left with a cliffhanger, forcing everyone to return the next night for the sequel.

Well, that's the story of "Das Rheingold" in a nutshell!  Now that you know what's going on while they sing gloriously in German, watch it!  I always recommend watching the full spectacle of a performance rather than just listening to it.  Especially if you've never seen/heard it before.  After a while you can even start keeping a tally of the deaths (this can easily be turned into a drinking game, and a dangerous one, if you aren't careful).  James Morris will always be my favorite Wotan.  Find him and love it.