Opera for the Average Idiot #2 - "Die Walküre"

Since I seem to possess the inability to function like a normal human being and according to a normal sleep schedule, we're just going to continue on our little journey through the Ring Cycle without being forced to use too many brain cells.

(Just wait until I get to "La Boheme."  I do a mean rendition in 5 minutes or less using sock puppets.)

Without further ado, "Die Walküre."

Act I
We meet Siegmund, a warrior of the Volsung race who is currently on the run after causing a bit of mayhem and destruction.  He seeks shelter for the night at a cottage and is greeted by Sieglinde (and no, the names do not get any easier to remember...).  Conveniently enough, they fall in love shortly before her husband, Hunding, gets home (surprise, surprise).  Siegmund tells his story:

"I killed some folks at a wedding.  Possibly the bride.  Whoops."

Hunding reveals that he's part of the mob hunting him down a la "Kill the Beast," however, he's bound by custom to provide him with shelter for the night.  They agree to duke it out in the morning, much in the style of the Dread Pirate Roberts:

"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

Sieglinde drugs Hunding, Siegmund pulls a magic (sort of) sword from a tree, and realizing that they are twin brother and sister AND are in love, Siegmund and Sieglinde run away together.

Let the inbreeding begin!

Act II
We finally meet the Valkyrie Brünnhilde, otherwise known as the character solely responsible for the idea that all operas involve large women wearing breast plates and horns whilst holding a spear.  See Exhibit A below:


Wotan to Brünnhilde:  "Protect Siegmund."
Fricka to Wotan: "Siegmund's gotta go.  Nice try, using him to get your stupid ring back.  This is not the hero you're looking for.  He's your bastard son, so deal with it."
Wotan to Brünnhilde:  "Well, shit."

Wotan needs the ring back supposedly to prevent the downfall of the gods.  The problem is that Fafnir stills has it (as we learned in "Das Rheingold") and he's still in the form of a big-ass dragon.  Hence, Wotan has started listening to the familiar tune, "I need a hero!  I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night!..."  Since his wife is the one who really wears the pants in their relationship, he tells Brünnhilde that Siegmund must die.

Siegmund and Sieglinde appear (have I lost anyone on the character names yet?).

Brünnhilde to Siegmund:  "Sorry little brother, but you're going to die."
S to B: "Can I take my lover who is also my sister with me?"
B to S: "Nope."
S to B: "I don't wanna!!!"

Brünnhilde turns out to be quite the sucker for a romance and agrees to help him win.  Fighting begins between Hunding and Siegmund and when Siegmund seems to be winning, Wotan finally grows a pair and takes care of his own dirty business by shattering Siegmund's sword and allowing Hunding to kill him.  Brünnhilde takes the broken sword and Sieglinde away with her.  Wotan takes off after her to mete out punishment for her disobedience.

Act III
**Please do me a favor and take a moment to revel in the sheer awesomeness of one of the greatest (in my opinion) bass trombone parts ever written.  When performed well, the opening of this act can be a life altering experience.  Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

The rest of the Valkyries make their appearance on a mountain top.  We now have 8 beefy women in armor on stage causing a cliche overload.  Everyone is thoroughly alarmed when Brünnhilde shows up with Sieglinde, who is alive (they only hang with dead people) and we find out is also pregnant with her twin brother's child (Ewwwwwwww......).  Brünnhilde decides to stay behind to distract Wotan so Sieglinde can get away.  She also names the unborn child Siegfried (Now have I lost anyone on the names??).

Wotan to Brünnhilde:  "You have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and stupidity, you've opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war! You are unworthy of these realms, you're unworthy of your title, you're unworthy... of the loved ones you have betrayed! I now take from you your power! In the name of my father and his father before, I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!"


**Sorry...I just made a slight detour into Marvel's "Thor" with my best Anthony Hopkins impression and I just couldn't resist a little Chris Hemsworth here.

Despite my detour, the same thing conveniently happens in the opera.  Wotan strips Brünnhilde of her powers, leaving her as a mortal.  He's going to just leave her in a magic induced sleep to fall prey to any man who may find her, but she gets rather weepy and convinces him to give her the protection of a ring of magic fire that only a fearless hero may cross.  Wotan agrees, puts her to sleep, and calls Loge to create the ring of fire to protect her.  Note: We begin to hear Siegfried's leitmotif when they speak of the unnamed fearless hero.  Don't worry, you'll hear this theme a LOT in "Siegfried" and "Götterdämmerung."

Love!  Incest! Adultery!  Murder!  Mayhem!  Magic!

How can you go wrong?!

End note:  I have to make the recommendation that everyone watches the production at the Metropolitan Opera starring James Morris as my favorite Wotan and Jessye Norman as Sieglinde.  She is AMAZING in that role.  I'm pretty sure that her jaw comes completely unhinged in Act III.  Seriously, she could swallow your head in one bite.  It's scary and impressive all at the same time.

Opera for the Average Idiot #1 - Das Rheingold

Once again you all are subjected to the ravings that result from my sleep-deprived mind.  For the uninitiated, I love opera.  I love it far more than any sane person should.  A series of health problems a couple of years ago led to me not being able to play for more than a year.  In order to keep my mental musical skills sharp, I started watching operas.  One a day, to be exact (occasionally extending the longer ones over multiple days if needed for sanity's sake).  By a happy accident I had discovered that my county library system owns a ridiculous collection of all of the Met HD broadcasts as well as countless other older productions.  I was on a mission and I'm rather proud of the fact that I started this project thinking that it would be difficult and quickly learned the error of my ways.  It's kind of killing me right now that it's still the off-season for the Met.  I always have the alarm set on my phone to alert me when they do their weekly live stream broadcasts so I don't miss one (Rigoletto was ridonkulous last season).

I digress.

I am fully aware that opera is not for everyone and it pains me greatly that so many people refuse to give it a shot.  You'd be surprised how similar most opera plots are to the movies that are the most popular nowadays.  Sorry, Peter Jackson, but Wagner did it first (just without hobbits).  So, in an effort to expose some of you to the more standard operatic repertoire, I've decided to summarize their plots in as concise of a manner as possible while keeping the emphasis on the most important/exciting/entertaining/amusing parts. Cliff notes has nothing on me.

Since I'm a bit of a masochist we're just going to start things out with Wagner's Ring Cycle.  Go big or go home, really.  In an effort to be kind, I will at least break it down into the 4 separate operas that comprise the whole shebang.  Without further ado, I give you "Das Rheingold," the very much abridged version.

Scene I
Scene begins under water, accompanied by the longest E-flat major chord ever written.  And it's to die for. We are introduced to 3 Rhine maidens and a dwarf named Alberich.  The Rhine maidens have been charged by the king of the gods (Wotan) to guard the Rhine gold (a lump of gold that came from the Rhine river).  The scene progresses as follows:

Rhine maidens to Alberich:  You're ugly and we're pretty and could use some help learning some manners. Btw, father told us not to tell you that you can take the gold only if you renounce love.  And you can use that gold to make a ring that will make you all-powerful (one ring to rule them all...familiar, no?).  Oh, and we're dumb. 

Alberich to Rhine maidens:  Jerkfaces!  I will totally renounce love and it just so happens that I work part-time as a jewelry maker.  Neener neener neener!

Alberich takes the gold and the Rhine maidens get all upset.  End of Scene I. 

Scene II (30 minutes later)
The sun rises on the newly constructed Valhalla.  The action quickly proceeds to Wotan being busted by his wife for trying to sell her sister to the Frost Giants in exchange for them building Valhalla.

Wotan: What a lovely morning! Look at my shiny new castle!  Oh, btw, I had to sell your sister for it, but no worries!  We've got these awesome new digs that I can fill up with dead heroes now!  You'll never miss her!

Fricka:  Nice try.  Your ass is grass.

Her brothers appear and king of the gods or not, Wotan knows that he's screwed.  He calls on Loge (Loki), the god of mischief and fire to help him blunder his way out of this one.  They bargain with the giants who agree to let Freia go in exchange for a pile of gold the same size as she is (they really wish right about now that they had gone for one of the Valkyries.  Much beefier in stature).  Loge and Wotan head underground to rob the dwarves. End of Scene II.

Scene III
While shit is going down in Scene II, Alberich has created the ring and also made his brother, Mime, make a helmet called the Tarnhelm (magic helmet = invisibility, etc) from the Rheingold.

Wotan and Loge arrive in the caves of the Niebelungs (dwarf-type folks).  While the Niebelungs start carrying gold up to the surface for the gods, they find out about the ring and the helmet.  Wotan refuses to leave without them since he's a greedy little bastard.  He and Loge are just as nasty as the Rhine maidens and trick Alberich into getting himself trapped.  They take the helmet but can't manage to get the ring from him.  Apparently being a god doesn't mean a whole lot in the power department....

Scene IV
Back in the land of sunshine and daisies...
Wotan finally yanks the ring off of Alberich's finger leading Alberich to curse the ring (duh duh duuuuuuhhhh!  The moment we've all been waiting for!).  The gold is piled up in front of Freia (the sister-in-law) and now the giants decide to get greedy.  The Tarnhelm is thrown on the pile and the giants demand the ring as well because somehow they can still see Freia through a massive pile of gold.  Fricka demands that Wotan give up the ring to save her sister:

Fricka: Give it up or you're never getting laid again.  Also, gold is soooo not your color.

Wotan's mommy (Erda) even gets in on the action and shames him into giving up the ring.

Erda:  You never did listen to me.  How many times have I told you to play fair with the other kids?!  

Wotan gives up the ring, the giants let Freia go, and the curse strikes for the first time.  The giant Fafnir kills his brother right away so he can posses the ring before he runs off with the ring, the gold, and the Tarnhelm to turn himself into a dragon and be all menacing and stuff (he'll be back, no worries).  The gods then cross their fancy-pants bridge made from a rainbow to move into their new digs at Valhalla while accompanied by the Valhalla motive which is freaking gorgeous.  Loge tells the audience that everyone is doomed (as if we didn't already figure this out), and we're left with a cliffhanger, forcing everyone to return the next night for the sequel.

Well, that's the story of "Das Rheingold" in a nutshell!  Now that you know what's going on while they sing gloriously in German, watch it!  I always recommend watching the full spectacle of a performance rather than just listening to it.  Especially if you've never seen/heard it before.  After a while you can even start keeping a tally of the deaths (this can easily be turned into a drinking game, and a dangerous one, if you aren't careful).  James Morris will always be my favorite Wotan.  Find him and love it.